At a Loss

Nick, Daniel and Brock

On July 5th, my friend Krissy lost her oldest boy, Nick, in a tragic accident at the age of 14, one year older than his cousin, Daniel, my son. I have not seen Nick for a long time, but when the kids were younger, and as recently as last summer, they had moments like the one in the picture above. Cousins should get to run wild, like weeds. Daniel, Nick and Brock got to do that. Nick and Brock taught Daniel how to pee standing up. True story.

I remember that Krissy's boys had these amazing toothless grins. Nick was always smiling in a shy, sweet way when I saw him. That is the Nick I remember.

I don't understand this. I don't understand why whoever is in charge of this earth felt it was necessary to take this child and cause his family this pain.

I don't know. I don't know how Krissy is getting up out of bed and carrying on with her life. I don't know how a mother picks out a casket for her child and puts him in the ground and says goodbye for the last time. I don't know how she and her husband and her other boys will move forward. Does she pack up his things quickly, like ripping off a band aid, or does she shut the door of his room only opening it to sit in the silence and smell his boy smell? I don't know.

What do you say? "I'm sorry" seems so very inadequate given the circumstances. "I'm thinking of you" every day, Krissy, every day.

I know that Krissy, Ian and their family have an incredible support system in the little community in which they reside. I know that they have the best chance of getting to the other side of this as anyone. The best chance of living as normal a life as possible.

I will send her a card when Claire and Daniel get home with our memories along with the pictures I have of Nick and I hope that brings her some comfort. I will think of her every day and send her positive thoughts and love from my heart. I will send her hope for her family and their future and maybe in some small way that will help. Maybe.